A lot is going on in my head lately.
Neon Chain. Lonely Ranch Games. The CybrThugs. VantaQueen. Hypnotitron. KhaoticRage. Future projects. Current projects. Projects that haven't even become projects yet.
Sometimes I think my biggest strength and biggest weakness are the same thing. I can see possibilities everywhere. A conversation becomes an idea. An idea becomes a project. A project becomes a roadmap. A roadmap becomes three more projects before the first one is finished. My brain rarely stops moving.
Part of me is excited. Neon Chain is finally in closed beta. Lonely Ranch Games is no longer just something I talk about. The CybrThugs are alive and growing again. For the first time in a long time, some of these things are starting to feel real. Part of me is exhausted. I spend four days a week standing behind a register while my mind is somewhere else entirely. Thinking about code. Thinking about games. Thinking about websites. Thinking about how to build something big enough that I can stop working a "real job" and spend my days creating instead of dreaming about creating.
The hard part is that progress never feels fast enough. Every milestone reveals ten more milestones behind it. Every completed project uncovers a list of things that still need improvement. It's easy to focus on how far there is left to go instead of how far I've already come.
Then there is my body. For those of us born with Hemophilia in the 60s, 70s, and 80s, it can be one of the worst co-op partners imaginable. The damage accumulates. The mileage adds up. Some days my mind wants to sprint while my body votes for a full system shutdown. The older I get, the more I realize that success isn't going to come from working harder every day. It's going to come from continuing to move forward on the days when I don't feel like moving at all.
So that's where I am today. Not discouraged. Not defeated. Just tired.
Tired, but still building. Tired, but still planning. Tired, but still believing that one day Neon Chain, Lonely Ranch Games, The CybrThugs, and all of these crazy ideas rattling around in my head will become the thing that finally lets me stay home and create full time.
Until then, I keep putting one brick on top of another. That's all any of us can really do.